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I Don't Do Surgeries/Transcript
Mallory: Alright. Stacey: Hey, uh, patient is successfully sedated. Mallory: Oh, room 113 is having a bad reaction to his medication. I have to take care of this. Stacey: Oh, dr. Connor, do you just want to leave her sitting under anesthesia? Mallory: Ah well, it's not like she's going anywhere. She can hang tight for a second and I'll be back soon. Stacey: Okay. Whitney: Escue me! Mallory: Ah! Stacey: Ah! Whitney: Star Feraldo ain't no regular patient. Do I look like a portly 45-year-old, having triple-bypass surgery? Ah nah! I don't just hang tight, okay? I only stay where the action i... Mallory: I thought you said she was sedated. Stacey: She was! I don't know what happened. Mallory: Okay, maybe we should just... yeah, lay her down again..? Whitney: Ah nah! Who trying to touch Star? I ain't no Scraggly Ann doll you can touch and poke and draw little eyelashed on 'cause she look too androgynous. I don't do touchin'. Hm. Is your air condition turned on 'cause I seem to be perspiring. Ooh, this room is warm. Phew. Mallory: How did you... Whitney: Can I get a beverage, my sarcophagus is a bit scratchy. Stacey: We have ice chips... Whitney: Oh, ah nah. Is ice chips a beverage I never heard of before, because it sounds a lot like something I had once that was frozen and required my jaw to move up and down in order to swallow it. Stacey: You're not supposed to have anything in your stomach during your operation. Whitney: Oh, I hear you, Mr. Tacky Scrubs. Stacey: Hey! Whitney: But the last thing I ate was a potato and leek soup from a roadside Denny's over twelve hours ago. So either you boost my blood sugar or I get in a crinoline rush that only moms of endangered babies can handle, and go car-lifting crazy on your red fish, blue fish self. Stacey: Oh, okay, okay, what do you want? Whitney: Mello Yello in a champagne flute. Mallory: I don't have time for this, another patient needs me! Whitney: If you don't want Star here, Star don't had to be here. Star could be shopping for Reeboks with Rihanna's cross-fit trainer. Mallory: Okay. You go get her the drink, and I will sedate her myself. Mallory: I need to see your ID, so I can sedate you for surgery. Whitney: Oh no. Mr. Mrs. Doctor, you ever play Observation? Mallory: What? Whitney: Little man with the clown nose and an unflattering butt cut. Why don't we play a round right now? Try to touch me, go on, try. Mallory: I don't want to. Whitney: I said try it. Whitney: Ah nah! I don't do touchin'! Mallory: I'm pretty sure there is no way to remove your appendix without touching you. Whitney: Well, then we gonna had to get another appendix doctor in here. Like dr. Oz, he dreamy and informative. Mallory: Enough! Okay. I have to go help a patient who's going into anaphylactic shock and you are clearly doing fine, so let's just put this surgery on hold, and we'll see you tomorrow morning. Hey! Whitney: I'm sorry, I seem to have slipped into a state of incontinent, what'd you say right there? Mallory: See you tomorrow morning. Whitney: Dr. Mrs., can I tell you my pain on a scale of one to ten? Mallory: Sure. Whitney: 'Cause I'm feeling a high six bordering onto- Ah nah! I don't do mornings! Mallory: That's the only time I have to operate. Whitney: Oh, I get you, mr. Lady M.D., but I don't... oh, what's this? Is this my heartbreak monitor? Mallory: Not quite. Whitney: Look at them waves! They go beep, beep, bee- ah nah! I don't do mornings! Mallory: If you care about your internal organs, you will make an exception. Look, the latest I can get you in, is at eleven. Whitney: Ah nah. Ah nah. Ah nah! Now don't touch me, mr. Truffula Trees! Now, you and dr. Seuss here better listen up, 'cause unless my brain shuts down and I get artesia, I'm only gonna say this once. When your radio stop playing Kesha and start playing Two Dudes Talkin'. When a bunch of skinny folks do an event where they where they pay money to run around with little numbers pinned to their shirts. When I am not split open on this table like a ballpark polish with Di-john mustard. That's morning, and I, checking for concussion, don't, doing evacuation, do, seeing spots, morning! Stacey: What do we do? I mean, she seems pretty worked up. Mallory: I really do have to go. At this rate, we'll just keep her overnight and we'll operate tomorrow. Stacey: What time? Mallory: Let's say 6:00 AM. Mallory: Ah! Stacey: Ah! Category:Season 8